Jokes and Ironies from the Internet

Kulula Air

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 11:39:53 GMT

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't  take itself too seriously.

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN. 

  Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.  Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 

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 On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"  

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On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."  

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On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."  

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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."  

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"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop atDurban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"  

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 After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."  

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 From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public  unsupervised." 

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"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."  

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Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."  

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"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."  

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"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."  

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And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

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 Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."  

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 Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"  

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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."  

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.  She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"  "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"  The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"  

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 After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."  

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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."  

--o0o—  

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."  

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Trains of the World

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Further to why we British love to look at trains and train spotting in my blog nlpnow.com.

CHINA 's CRH2

TAIWAN 's THSR

KOREA 's KTX

JAPAN 's SHINKANZEN

SPAIN 's AVE

UK 's EUROSTAR

FRANCE ' TGV

DUBAI 's METRO

And now the Best!
INDIAN 's ALL ABOARD

Pakistan!!!!!
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CONTINUE TO
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Sorry
Train is Late

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CONTINUE TO
PAGE DOWN
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O, Finally it made it in.......

German language to be the Official European Language

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:28:00 GMT

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Need to be careful of when selling a table

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:42:00 GMT

You need to be careful of when selling a table.

Look at the picture

This table is for sale on eBay. How would you know that it is a man who is seling it?

Did you see it? Did you get it? Did you see it?

Look first then guess.

Answer is below

Have you found it?

If not continue to scroll down

Okay, here it is:

Look at the Mirror in the picture

And don't forget, if you're gonna upload a picture to be on the internet, at lease put on your underware!

Blog Catalog

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 02:33:00 GMT

ve beaz saray yeni güvenlik önlemleri almaya başlar

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 09:41:00 GMT

Frog Leap Test

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:19:00 GMT

Here is a test for you, it needs logic, click on "Frog Leap Test", you have two minutes to

Switch the frogs to the opposite side .

It can be done.

(this is a 2nd grade computer test in China )

(REINICIAR = RESET) Frog Leap Test

Great Pictures 11

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 13:52:00 GMT

Road sign.

Great Pictures 10

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:43:00 GMT

Washing instructions. As it should be

Men in Training 7

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:40:00 GMT

Do you look her in the eyes?

Great Pictures 9

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:08:00 GMT

That's big

Great pictures, infact, electric.

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Switch me on. Please
Happy Birthday

Men in Training 6

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 13:03:00 GMT

Great Pictures 8

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 12:59:00 GMT

Police dog after his ball.

Men in Training 5

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:53:00 GMT

Men in Training 4

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:48:00 GMT

I still would like to attend a training course if you have one please. Email me holt@nlpnow.net

Men in Training 3

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 12:45:00 GMT

Where did you loose it?

Great Pictures 3

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 08:07:00 GMT

Cool cats

Great Pictures 7

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:22:00 GMT

Great Pictures 6

Oh Poo Poo Blog — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 08:18:00 GMT

Bear on Golf Course